Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Randomize
