You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
