How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
and you fell through a lawn chair
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize