It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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