all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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