Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
