I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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