I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
