he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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