So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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