Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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