Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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