Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
