Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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