and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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