Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
