Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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