You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
