Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
