I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
