Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
