Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my phone needs a breathalizer
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my shit smells like andre
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
