I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
