Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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