Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
