I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
