WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
