we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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