omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
