Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
