Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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