Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
