Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
