I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
