glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
