question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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