We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
