alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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