Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
