Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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