I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
