I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
