alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
