FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize