what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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