I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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