I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
