we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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