singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize