Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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