belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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