At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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