and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
