Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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