Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
