i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
