youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
