Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
