just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize