Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
