I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
