Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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