Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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