I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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