you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
