Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
