so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
