singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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