Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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