So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
