You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Shame is for Republicans.
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