you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
