my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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