you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He kissed a someone with a penis
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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