i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
